Delusion

2008-09-11T12:53:21Z

My brother said I should keep one of these journal things. I told him I didn’t think it was safe. He told me that I think waking up in the morning isn’t safe. Well, it’s not, big dummy. Oh, right. I’m not supposed to address these notes to my brother, I’m supposed to leave this open for “my children” to interpret.

Children. Right!

Moving along. It’s evident I’ve been convinced to play along with this nonsense, because here I am. I’ll begin at the obvious. I was born a beautiful elf, talented in all I put my hand to, and admired across the continent. Of course this continues today.

Of course it does.

While I was noble born, I’m probably illegitimate. I have no idea who my father is, and I don’t really care. I look nothing like my tall, tan family. My skin leans toward the sickly side of pale. My hair is dull and black. I’m probably a little thinner than is considered healthy. I failed at most I put my hand to; I was kicked out of Falthrien after setting fire to a jar filled with a volatile substance. I ran away and married a house servant who should have been born in my position. I washed out of the Ranger Corps and fell in with another element. I was a spoiled brat.

Nothing changes.

This ‘element’ was the nameless organization that provides our military and frequently private enterprises with covert services. The list of what we do is nearly endless but mostly we’re considered and used as spies. Chief among us is Seilos Dawnraven, Silvermoon Spymaster. It seems silly now that he has a title and a public office but I suppose there has to be someone to receive death threats. It wasn’t always this organized though. For a while it was just Seilos, me, and a few others amusing ourselves with political intrigue and fencing. Seilos used to tell us we were wolves in a herd of unaware sheep; that it was simply the order of nature to take whatever we wished from them. It wasn’t until after the invasion that I regarded this as anything but an amusing anecdote.

Ha. Ha.

After Arthas and the Scourge savaged our lands and Kael’thas left through the Dark Portal, it was clear that the remaining few needed to make some vast changes. One of these changes was the emergence of the Blood Knight Order, and Seilos’s little club was charged, in part, with putting them in power. There were many who disagreed with the manipulation of the naaru, M’uru, but you won’t find much documentation of it. You won’t find those particular dissenters at all.

I am not proud of my part in this.

I became less and less sure that the strict regulations enforced on our people were for the best. I began to take more assignments abroad. Sometimes I tried to help people in my own way. I don’t expect that “good” deeds will in anyway make up for what I’ve done, but it’s something to keep my mind occupied. Keeping my mind occupied with distractions seems to be my primary motivation for everything now. I’m good a deluding others, but even better at deluding myself. This is probably the primary factor that has kept me alive when I should have died many, many times over.

Sometimes I wish it would stop that.

But I have to remind myself not to think like that. Despite my charmingly despicable nature, it seems there are people who like having me around. My brother, Camrine, who has been my protector since before I can remember, certainly wouldn’t have a short person to boss around. My mother wouldn’t have someone to pawn eligible, rich bachelors off on (please stop that, mom). My teacher wouldn’t have as many stories to scare his recruits with. My friends wouldn’t--Well, I don’t know exactly why they like me, but I’ll take it. And most importantly, I think my enemies would be positively bored.

See? Delusion is easy.

River in the Road

Delusion